


Two Broken Men

by youhavebeenstopped



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: 12th doctor is soft, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bruce cameo appearance, Depression, Fat Thor, Fat Thor is the best Thor fight me, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Bruce Banner/Thor, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, fuck the russos, mid series 9 Doctor Who, they messed up my boi thor so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youhavebeenstopped/pseuds/youhavebeenstopped
Summary: “Tell me, Thor. Do you think you deserve forgiveness?”Thor blinked. He moved his hands from resting on top of the outward curve of his stomach to scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He didn’t know.“Friendship? Kindness? Love?”He shrugged, and tears were forming again.Why?Why did he have to be so goddamnweakat a question?-----Thor is sure that there is nothing left to live for in the universe. The Doctor is sure that there is.





	Two Broken Men

 

Despite everything, the Earth still turned beneath them.

 

On top of the world stood two broken men.

 

The grey-haired man leaned a bony shoulder against the blue wooden doors of his ship, carefully watching the large mass of a man sitting below him, feet dangling into space.

_If he moved just a few more inches further. The oxygen was thin without the bubble of air supplied by the ship, but just a few more feet out- no. He could live in space, fight a living star with no air. Not fair._

_Falling. Falling and falling to the brick and cement structures below sent his mind reeling._

_New Asgard could do without him. The Avengers were never going to be the same, they didn’t need him. The Guardians will be glad at the removal of the dread he seemed to cast on them. No guilt over friends, no parents, no evil sister, no dead brother, no planet, falling-_

“You helped save them, you know.” 

Thor looked back suddenly, awakening from his trance.

Earth’s returned population bustled down far below as they floated in the upper atmosphere. Headlights blinked and the tops of buildings glinted in the sunset. Thor seemed surprised at the old man’s kindness, as if he didn’t deserve it.

The ancient Gallifreyan stepped out from behind the blue doorway. 

“There are children who have their parents again. Families put back together. Whole worlds saved from the brink of collapse, species on the verge of extinction living once again, because you helped to save them. Hell.” the Doctor said with a soft smile. “You even brought me back from the Dust.”

Thor wiped angry tears from his eyes and moved over in the TARDIS threshold enough for the Doctor to sit down next to him. “You and the rest of civilization have only to thank Natasha Romanoff, Banner, and Stark for that. Not me. _I should have done it faster._ I could have, I had it. The ax, I had it right there, in... in front of me.”

The Doctor eyed him knowingly.

The anger. The choices. The weight of your race and the whole universe solely on his shoulders. It was all too familiar.

“You couldn’t have known, Thor. You were in the moment, adrenaline taking over. You wanted revenge, you wanted to give him pain-”

“ _But his head!_ ” Thor spat out. His large hands hid his face from the light that reflected off of the great land and eastern ocean below. “How could I have been so stupid? Because of my actions, I single-handedly ripped apart those families. Those people, none of whom- I. I would ever know.”

Thor sobbed into his hands. Five and a half years were not enough to forget.

The Doctor looked at the faraway horizon, not sure exactly what to do with his arms to pacify the heaving mass next to him. A few moments of weighted silence passed.

“It wasn’t you,” the Time Lord muttered softly. “The Dusting was brought by a great, purple, power-hungry, self-righteous madman. Not you.”

“I could have done more. For my brother, Heimdall, and all of the other poor bastards that suffered because of my ‘adrenaline’. I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I keep thinking, if I had just cut off his arm, we’d still all be here. If I wasn’t the one cut off his head on that next planet. If I had _just been worthy_ -”

“The Time War.”

Thor stopped shakily crying, and silence fell again. _The Great Time War was only a fable. A legend, surely. A bedtime story that parents used to scare their children into compliance._

Confused mismatched amber and sky-blue eyes met with incredibly ancient grey ones.

“I’m the last of the Time Lords. Because of the Time War,” The Doctor murmured indifferently, with an air of remorse.

“I’m sorry,” Thor answered, not letting go of the air he held in his lungs.

“They are gone because of me. Not even half are left after the Dusting. All of Gallifrey,” the old man said, his Scottish accent close to whispering. A hitch in his voice made him hiccup as if he was realizing this again for the first time in many years.

Thor watched the Doctor twiddle his thumbs distractedly over the green and grey landscape beneath them. _This ancient man had lost so much, and will continue to do so,_ he thought, _yet he still does so much for the universe._ Thor thought how childish he must sound to the time-traveling, god-like legend of space.

“Gallifrey was an honorable planet. My father would tell stories of it, and of you,” Thor offered, and the Doctor smiled.

Another pause.

“Tell me, Thor. Do you think you deserve forgiveness?”

Thor blinked. He moved his hands from resting on top of the outward curve of his stomach to scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He didn’t know.

“Friendship? Kindness? Love?”

He shrugged, and tears were forming again. _Why?_ Why did he have to be so goddamn _weak_ at a question?

“They think you do. I do,” the Doctor said, eyebrows losing their severity, and eyes crinkled at the edges. “The Asgardians need a leader who can feel love and its consequences years after it happened. Every country, in my not-so-humble opinion, deserves a king like you. The love that you felt for your people and the rest of the universe wouldn’t matter to many other people making the same sacrifice you did.”

“New Asgard has Valkyrie as Queen now. She is everything I could never be for my people and so much more,” Thor explained quietly, sniffing. “But I thank you for your kind words all the same.” He searched the cumulus clouds that stretched across the blue skyline as if what to say next should be written there.

“You did better than I did after a catastrophic failure, I can tell you that.”

“What?” Thor chuckled sarcastically. “Worse than gaining this and hiding from the rest of the world for five years in a small shack in Norway?” He gestured to his stomach, but the Doctor only smiled solemnly, staring at the man’s scarred face.

“ _I ran_. I ran, and I ran. For centuries, for so many thousands of years, I ran. I stole this box and took off to escape everything I left behind. I found new friends, sorted out a few planets, saw beautiful new places I could have ever imagined. But nothing could make me forget the home that I lost. The people I left behind. And soon the friends I found left me or died, and I lost and won all sorts of battles over and over again.

“But that’s how it is for us, isn’t it?” the Doctor’s Scottish accent grumbled ironically. “Us immortals. Us god-like individuals who cannot die with the same ease as our companions. Because that's how we are defined; not by living forever, but by everyone dying around us. Time dragging us on. We have to keep moving but never allowed to forget. But that can be too much, and you and I both know how hard it is to let go.”

The Asgardian brushed his streaming eyes and nodded softly. His heart and throat ached, but he wanted to keep listening. The setting sun was darkening the Earth below them slowly.

“He said you should’ve gone for the head, yes?”

Thor coughed at the abruptness. “Y-yeah.”

The Doctor frowned as if reliving something deep in his memory. He angrily raked a bony hand through his grey hair. “People like us are often in charge of making these life-or-death choices. _Why?_ Why does it have to be us? Why can’t it be some other mortal who will probably end up dying soon, anyway? _What is the point of anything at all?_ ”

His voice grew louder, angrier, almost spitting in contempt. Not at Thor, but at the unfairness of everything. He wrung his hands and took a deep breath.

“I shall tell you: _because no one else will._ We have to be the stronger ones. If we make mistakes, we have to continue living on. We have to remember our failures. We have to keep pushing on, forgiving ourselves, because the rest of our long lives will be a hell we trap ourselves in. The curse of immortality.”

The two broken men stared at the darkening horizon for many moments, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time.

And the Earth kept turning, despite everything.

“I just want the people who are evil to be punished,” Thor spoke this time, words cracking. “The people- creatures, that think that ‘balance’ of the universe is stealing a child from their mother. A partner from their lover. I wanted to cause him. H-him, pain. For what he did to Loki, to Heimdall, and my people. I wanted him to hear me say that he was going to _die_ for it. I wanted to see the light die from his eyes.”

“Revenge is a strong motivator,” the Doctor said with an appreciative nod, with hands on his knees. “It pushed me to the very far reaches of galaxies for justice. It motivated me to bring the very foundations of a villain’s empire into a crumbled trash heap. It pushed me so many times into such violence that I couldn’t forgive myself for a millennia after.

“When the Daleks tortured civilizations, bringing fire to whole planets, and when the Cybermen enslaved billions. When other creatures and aliens stole my remaining friends and hurt them to get to me, I wanted to bring them pain. I wanted to show them the depths of angering the Time Lord called the Doctor. There are good legends about me. But there are bad ones, too. Stories of my defeat and failures that often turn whole planets away from me. Many of my friends left or died from my anger and destruction.”

Thor didn’t know what to say. Everything he wanted to say to console the Doctor seemed out of context and wrong. He looked out at the wine-red horizon instead.

“You are a good man, Thor,” the Doctor said slowly after another pause. “You care so much about others that you still feel this rage years after he snapped. You are kind, righteous, and strong in more ways than physical.”

Thor smiled shakily, letting his red and wet eyes crinkle at last. “Thank you. So much, Doctor, for this. You have no idea what this means to me coming from you.”

The huge blond mass of a man tried to hug the skinny grey man next to him. The Doctor did not use to be a hugger of any sort, but after at last finding Clara at the end of the Dusting a few weeks prior, he was warming to the idea.

The Doctor awkwardly patted on Thor’s back in the bone-crushing hug. The large man pulled away, at last, letting him breathe, but still sniffling.

“ _Arrrrgh._ Gross, my jacket will absolutely not be used as a Kleenex. There are tissues over there on the bookshelf, next to the Nancy Drew collection.”

Thor chuckled apologetically, and stumped up the metal stairs next to the TARDIS console, his black Crocs squeaking. The Doctor’s severe eyebrows furrowed disapprovingly at his choice in footwear.

“Shall I drop you off at the New York City Macy’s for new shoes? Maybe a Walmart in Kentucky would be more appropriate for your current choice of fashion,” the Doctor said facetiously, already typing in coordinates at the humming console.

“No, Stark will have something,” Thor responded, but then realized his mistake somberly. He hiccuped again, blowing his nose into a tissue. The blue and white dimmed lights reflected off of his blond mane, almost making him look more animal than humanoid.

“I knew Stark,” the Doctor said, walking around the console, flipping dials and levers with purpose. “Annoying, but a genius all the same. Always up for a good game of Scrabble, even if he lost. Which was often.”

“He was a good man. I hope to better myself in his name and serve the same amount of people as he did,” Thor said earnestly, sitting down on the metal stairs. “I enjoy your lighting. It’s very aesthetically pleasing to the eye.”

The Doctor blinked appreciatively but ignored his obvious change of subject. He didn’t catch his eye this time. “Back to Earth? Visit your people?”

Thor shrugged. “They should still think I failed them.”

“How about any friends or relations on Earth? Dr. Banner was telling me how you never come around.”

Thor’s beard and eyes twitched to a soft smile at the name of his friend. He did miss him, truly. But after the Blip, he felt terrible about projecting his guilt and depression on more people he cared about, so he hid instead.

“Yeah. Y-yes, I shall visit Banner. Haven’t seen him in a while, or the rest of the crew. The Guardians of the Galaxy are tired of me, I’m sure.”

_Still denial. Still guilt, but getting better. It was a process._

The Time Lord nodded, somewhat vexed.

He snapped his fingers.

The purpose was to shut his ship’s doors, but the reaction was without thought.

Thor gasped, shutting his eyes. He felt his stomach turn in anguish. The Doctor noticed and immediately regretted his showing off.

“Hey, hey! I’m sorry- I wasn’t thinking. I’m terribly sorry I did that,” he said, rushing over to the shivering dark-clothed man on the stairs. The Doctor felt awful and placed an awkward hand on Thor’s shoulder.

“No, it’s fine- It’s stupid, I’m sorry,” Thor mumbled, feeling bile in the back of his throat. _Weak._

“You are not stupid. As a fellow idiot who has managed to live over two thousand years, I know that you are not stupid. This process, this pain, and suffering might take a few millennia to overcome. Heaven knows that there are some who don’t even recover at all."

He continued. “We have to keep moving. However hard it is to get out of bed, to even get in bed either, we have to move forward. Even you, Thor, wouldn’t be able to hear of all the truly stupid things I have done in my time zipping around in this vast and ridiculous universe. Do you want to know how to move on, after all of this?”

Thor nodded, hands still wringing in his matted hair.

“Find your friends. Remember the things you loved, but always look for new things to love. Even when it the most difficult, love yourself. And I don’t mean getting a big head, but forgiving is one of the strongest things you could do. Forgive your enemy. Learn to laugh, because things are always funny. Make amends, because god only knows when you run out of time. Find the people you love, and hold them very close.

“Remember to let go. And be kind. Above all, remember the children that you fought for. Remember the civilizations that once were crumbled from the Titan madman that now flourish.”

Now Thor really was crying. Eyes red and nose running. _This man, this alien, so like him. Different, but similar, all the same._

“We’re alike, you and I,” Thor croaked, and took the pink-dotted tissue offered by the old grey man. “Neither of us are human, but we love Midgard. We’re both a millennia or two old, albeit you still have some years more than me. We had big, golden planets that we could have ruled but didn’t want to. We both travel, we want to see new places.”

The Doctor was slightly grimacing. This was getting corny, but he still kept listening, knowing Thor needed to talk. 

Thor continued, sniffling. “You told me once about the Master. Now I guess we both had a childhood friend or brother that strayed the evil path.”

“But we cared for them, nevertheless.”

The TARDIS hummed around them in place of the relaxed silence. Lights flickered, and Thor read the Gallifreyan circles on the metal swirling walls. The blue ambiance reflected off of his shining mismatched eyes.

“These are your friend’s names,” Thor said softly, motioning a large gloved hand to the intricate circle design above them.

The Doctor looked up from his hands on the stairs next to Thor and blinked. Instead of the wave of sadness that usually overcame him after looking at the messages, he felt a warm comfort and peace looking at their names.

_Ace. Donna. Amy. Adrian. Rose. Susan. Martha. Clara-_

“Tell me about your friends. The Avengers, or any that are still on Earth.”

Thor scratched his beard, his mind clouding over in thought.

 _There’s always Valkyrie._ She was someone he could rely on. She’s running New Asgard right now, something he never had the guts to do. He still felt bad for making her shoulder that commitment.

 _There’s Rabbit._ Rocket could never really forgive him after the Snap. Helpful in battle though he was, certain ice had grown over his already small heart that never seemed to thaw, even when the rest of his family returned.

_Then there’s Banner._

Banner, who he found when he was at rock bottom on Sakaar. Banner, who was so kind and thoughtful. Banner, who saved the universe and was still able to tell the tale. Who forgave him and took care of him after the Snap, before he left for Norway. Whose brown, tired eyes watched over him so carefully after the Snap, not caring of his mistakes.

_Banner._

“Let’s go, then.”

Thor looked up. He hadn’t realized he had said the name out loud. The Doctor was already on the other side of the console.

“Thank… thank you. Truly,” Thor said again, now standing, readying himself for the flight.

“Of course. New York City. Stark Tower, right now in time,” the Doctor said distractedly. He typed something quickly on a keyboard and pulled an official-looking lever. The TARDIS began shaking and whooshing.

Thor’s Allspeak buzzed in his ears suddenly at a particularly loud wheeze, and he smiled at the machine’s teasing.

“Yes, machine, I shall remove my shoes for a different pair. They are comfortable, though.”

“You understand her?” the Doctor asked loudly over the noise.

“Yes,” he replied again bluntly without explanation, and grabbed a railing to steady himself. “Do you think anyone will see us down below? Wouldn’t that cause alarm?”

The TARDIS stopped shaking and came to a full stop. “You have no idea how oblivious humans are. Besides, after everything in the past few years, I’m sure they are used to unidentified alien objects hovering in their upper atmosphere.”

Thor chuckled and picked up Stormbreaker, which was leaned against a metal railing. He tossed and caught it in midair, and the Doctor slightly flinched.

“Watch where you’re throwing that. Now, don’t stay out too late. Get your sleep. Eat solid meals. Or liquid meals, if you prefer,” the Doctor advised, as Thor slowly lumbered out of the blue doors to the dusk-shadowed parking lot.

He turned back to look at the old man, and they shared a soft smile. The TARDIS hummed sadly, and he felt a sudden urge to go back in. To run across the universe. To leave and hide again, as he did with the Guardians.

_No. No more running._

“Thor?”

A voice behind him sounded hesitant but soft. The Asgardian swiveled around on the cement. Banner.

A large and green humanoid jogged to him but stopped halfway there in the parking lot. Bruce noticed the blue box behind him, staring in confusion at the shimmering from the open doors.

"Hello, Banner," Thor croaked, close to tears at the sight of his friend.

"I missed you, man," Bruce said gently, pushing up his glasses. He couldn't help but grin at the sight of the raggedy man, even after disappearing for months.

Thor walked up the rest of the few feet that separated them tentatively. _God_ , he could use a hug right now, even a half of one, with Bruce's charred right arm in a sling.

The Doctor smiled knowingly, and closed the door behind him, watching the two envelope each other in their arms.

 

He would check up on Thor, every so often. Just in case.

 

He really should be picking up Clara again right now. They both had been Dusted, and there were so many planets to help after the genocide and the weight of the returning populations.

 

_The two broken men had run. They will run, sometimes with no end in sight._

For now, however, they could find some rest.

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone has any suggestions, criticism, or anything pls leave a comment! I think these two are so alike, both being ancient aliens with boiling self-hatred. 
> 
> find me on tumblr at @and-remember-meme! I would love to talk to you <3


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